Many things happened this weekend, but I'm not going to go into it right now. I'm too hurt.

Valentine, now two-time Hot Bod champ, has dealt me the harshest blow yet. She has betrayed me. Her name is not actually "Valentine"! It's "Amber" or "Amanda" or something like that. Valentine is her stripper name! First she lies to me about her name and then she misleads me about her occupation!? She claimed she was a dental hygienist! I had already planned to use her expertise in assembling metallic jaws for my theoretical army of Chomper-men. But does she know anything that would help me with that? No! Knowing how to keep $114 in one dollar bills in a single g-string is not going to help me defeat the Earth's Elite!

And don't even start with the hypocritical aspect of my own using a super-villain name rather than my real name, it's totally different. I am competing in a field where an intimidating name is going to win half my battles. Are you going to mess with someone named Complete Destruction? Or Devourous the Terrible? It's about building your super-villain brand. You need to develop your name and figure out your gimmick. Can a guy called Sandpaper Assassin have teleportation powers? No, it has to be sand-related. You are competing against guys with the craziest outfits you've ever imagined, after all. You need to stand out from the pack. This isn't that hard. Geez.

Worst of all, she was using me to get better scores in the Hot Bod contests. Who knew she would betray this town leading (okay, only) super-villain for a $50 prize? I take back the 10's and 9.7's! I never meant it!