Actually, I take it back. The Purple Pirate head and hat display case looks great. Teak, copper, glass, it is beautiful. Well worth the expense. And the taxidermist did a fantastic job with the Pirate's head. He looks like he was a very intimidating opponent; steely glare, teeth clenched, hat cocked down slightly over his eyes. (Have I mentioned how awesome his hat is?) The typographer did a great job on the plaque as well. Very classy. Trajan as the font, I believe.
I just keep staring at it. What a battle trophy! Now it is a "Den of Evil" indeed. Z seems deeply distraught by my new addition. Well, if he's going to hang with me he'sgoing to have to toughen up a little. Don't his people eat dogs or something? Now that's disturbing. All he does now is huddle in the corner, flinch, and cry softly to himself. It's hilarious!
This display case is great! It's the gift that keeps on giving!
Quality is worth the price
It's a damn shame
I am furious!
The new Most Wanted list came out and I only moved up one spot? #21? I just killed the Purple Pirate. Does that not mean anything to you... you... whoever determines the Most Wanted? The old Pirate is (er, was) surely one of the top super-heroes in the world! The world of localized street crime. Street crime within the 18th and 45th street vicinity of the city. Mostly at night and early evening.
I mean, the sword, the buccaneer hat, the monochromatic outfit? Oh, and the EYE PATCH!? Who else has all that? Yeah, he wasn't a "heavy-hitter." But, you know, that whole "lifting buildings" thing that those show-offs do is really over-rated. The Pirate didn't engage in gratuitous feats of muscle. No. He was in there, getting dirty, getting real work done against my fellow criminal element.
And the Parrot Lads! His sidekicks. I think there are three, no, maybe four acrobatic teens who helped in his battle against villainy. He touched real lives here. Will that be swept under the rug after his demise? Will no one weep for the loss of the Purple Pirate?
It's disappointing that the Pirate has been so quickly dismissed. I kind of feel bad for the poor guy. Boy, now I feel a little awkward about the display case I've commissioned to hold his severed head and kickin' buccaneer hat.
Let me cut you off...
I keep getting e-mails from Autonomous Robot, Terror of the Slums, and a couple of other low-grade super-villains. "Why haven't you updated?" "Where is your next post?" "How do I know how to become a better super-villain?" Great. I'm the leader of a bunch of has-beens and never-will-bes.
Okay, you pathetic losers. Here's what I've been doing; the perfect bank robbery. Now, I know I've mentioned before what I think about crime for financial gain. But this is different. This is about perfecting my technique. I've got my teleportation rig set up within the armor so I can open a portal to a specific place and then walk right through. So the plan is simple; teleport into a bank vault, throw bags of cash through the portal (into my apartment, where the minion organizes it), and then walk out. It's easy, has netted me about $1.2 million in a week, and has jumped me up the Most Wanted charts (#22, suckers!). I even heard that Admiral Admirable, (Yes, the Admiral Admirable) mentioned that he would take steps to stop my "plague of larceny". Oh, Admiral. "Plague of Larceny?" You can coin a phrase.
But if you think that's totally awesome, (Which it is, Autonomous Robot, you pitiful sack of circuits.) listen to this. I'm in the middle of the robbery scheme and the Purple Pirate busts in and tries to take me out. I'm just about done with the robbery, so I ignore him and close my portal to leave. Well, I guess the Pirate moves faster then I thought, because he was nearly on me. Too bad for him that the portal closed and severed his head clean off! Holy crap! I killed the Purple Pirate! That should move me into the Top 20 for sure.
Even in a world where a man can shoot lasers out of his eyes...
Even with the glittering technology of my power suit, even with an obedient minion, and even with nano-technology, it still sucks to move.
Packing and labeling all of your crap really makes you realize how much clutter you can accumulate. Especially when you need to bring all of your doomsday machines and machine/animal hybrid experiments. I'm really maxing out on my student loan money on this enterprise. Good thing I'm never going to repay them the cash. (Since I will be High Lord of the Universe, natch.)
Hauling everything back and forth to the trucks makes me consider getting rid of all my test tubes, global domination idea notebooks, and atom vortex spare parts. But I just know that as soon as I get rid of something I'm going to need it to battle the Purple Pirate or something. Sigh.
Next time I'm just going to build a teleportation doorway and save myself the trouble. (Note to self: learn how to build teleportation gateways!)
