Ah, sweet Earth. I am back again at the 'ol homeworld and it looks as ready to be dominated as ever. From orbit I can observe the gentle contours of the continents, ready to be formed to my will. Below me, unsuspecting, lay my enemies. Believing me dead, apparently. That is for the best, now I have the element of surprise.
Well, I guess except for Green Hunter. And, I suppose the rest of the Earth's Elite, if he told them. Of course he told them. If there's one thing I know about my former intern it's that he thinks whatever happens in his life is of critical importance to all of those with earshot. Gah, if I had to hear one more time about his kegger at the Delta house... So you made out with two girls at once, I get it. Geez.
So yeah, he no doubt informed Earth's most powerful superteam that I am back on the scene. So I can expect Admiral Admirable to show up any second and punch me in the face while he lectures me on the morality of my actions. Yippee. Actually, I think this is a good thing. If the media has to hear about my return, it definately adds some credibilty to me to have the Earth's Elite make the announcement. That will get me one Page one for sure. Or at least the front section somewhere, right?
Based on the destroyed wreckage of alien battle ships floating around here in orbit maybe (maybe!) I'll get bumped off the front page for whatever this mess was. I suppose "Alien Attack Defeated" beats "Master Super-villain Returns." No. You know what? I am the bigger news here. There have been dozens of repelled alien invasions, but how many times have I defeated the icy grip of the grave? Just once! Give me my headlines!
Really it's quantity vs. quality
Thanks, Dr. Hunter
So I am awakened from my hibernation by Green Hunter, as he and the Earth's Elite are having some sort of skirmish with an alien armada of some sort. I am woefully uninformed when it comes to the various alien empires. You'd think that I would know more, what with me being the (former) Scorloon Emperor for Life and all, but I never could keep all of the colliding constants straight on those names. Just mash your hand on a keyboard and you have a 75% chance of hitting on the name of one of those races. "Duygbl?" "Gytrublv?" "Lcytjvkjbhhk?" Yeah, those are all (probably) accurate. And that's before you even get to the ones who communicate telepathically. For those you need to visualize a potato dancing with an empty orange bucket in order to say "hello". That way lays madness, I say.
Anyways, in the course of their battle Green Hunter is sent sailing off into an asteroid belt and he bumps into my asteroid-y looking cocoon. This awakens me, and after I burrow my way through the (delicious) larval crust I shatter the cocoon off my body. I'm a little groggy and out of it, so I say "Innnnttttteeeeerrrrnnnn?" I'm pretty sure this scares the crap out of him, and looks at me with shock (and awe) and says, "You!? It can't be... you're dead!"
Yeah, welcome back. Thanks idiot. So I fired some energy blasts at him and then took off to get my bearings. So now I'm on my way back to Earth. Dead? What do they think of me back there? What did that stupid robot do now? Dead? Not cool, doppelganger, not cool.
A wake-up call
Apparently, I've been, uh, out of it for a while. This is news to me, of course. I was trying to get a handle on the new, totally awesome, cosmic scope of my Walking Blackhole-gifted-abilities. The transition was, I'll admit, a little rough. The days of sleeplessness had me grappling with real philosophical demons; "Is my 'Super-villain' moniker stupid, or brilliant?", "Why are my eyes on fire?", "Does anyone else smell cotton candy?".
Finally (finally!) I was able to reach a singular state of Zen With The Universe And All The Life It Encompasses Throughout The Countless Eons and find sleep. Or I just punched myself in the face until I blacked out (U-Make-The-Call!).
Well, let me take a step back here for a second. There are 2 terrible things that happened during my rest. First, my body recuperated from my cosmic upgrade. Well not recuperate, exactly. I've gathered that the cosmic energy is rewriting my body to comply with the Walking Blackhole's needs of a Vanguard: flight, cool energy abilities, and a singular tuning to his Terrible Hunger. To do all that, the old body has to go. So the glowing eyes were just a sign of my body being disintegrated from the inside out! So in exchange for these new powers I get cooked from within, like a hot dog in a microwave. So my body more is more "regurgitated", than recuperated. I guess it's a long process too, because I had to form a cocoon of organic rock and lose two months on my Year of Super-Villainy.
Yes, I was floating in the depths of space in an asteroid like cocoon for 2 months. Will anyone back on Earth even remember me? All that brand building I worked on, and I let it all go to waste? Gah! Actually, 2 months isn't so bad. The process didn't totally finish. I actually got prematurely awoken from my hibernation by an interstellar super-hero fight. That brings me to the second terrible thing to happen to me. The thing that woke me up? The first face I see after the long metamorphosis?
Green Hunter!
