That damn hamster is driving me crazy. Every two seconds it's "I'm hungry, want to eat." or "Thirsty. Want water." Look hamster, I know you're just a rodent, but I don't need to hear about every damn thought that crosses your damn little head! I just can't turn it off. I've been trying to express the problem to minion Z, but it's a little hard to explain with pictures and hand signals that "your stupid hamster is spamming my brain with annoying thought messages."
Minion Z can sense that I'm not my usual chipper, globe-conquering self, and he's trying to cheer me up by showing me the progress he's made on the armor suit. It does look very nice – weapons, shields, he's even built me an intimidating face mask. I can't even concentrate on all that now.
I've taken to drinking a lot more than usual to try to dull the impact of the barrage of "Hamster baaaaalllll!" on my poor brain. Damn you hamster! Damn you and your plastic climbing maze!
Damn-ster!
Crosstalk
Mind-blogging is awesome. Totally cooler than the green sparks thing. Absolutely. Small problem though, I keep getting psychic messages from minion Z's hamster. Not good. Ugh.
No, I don't want to run on the wheel! Stop asking me!
First power, first step
Minion Z has injected his nano-technology into me. I am now blogging this with the power of my mind! I suppose this would count as my first super-power, but this is only a modest first step. Today, techno-pathy, tomorrow, the universe!
Oh, and Green Hunter? You can't blog with your mind, can you? No. No, you can't. Idiot.
Robots and rodents
Young minion Z (I've decided that's the easiest way to refer to him), really has quite a talent for this robotics thing! I accompanied him back to his dorm room and he was showing me his work. It was quite impressive. Perhaps he's worth keeping around after my power acquisition after all. He already had the framework for a metallic suit set up and had made good progress in developing some miniaturized weaponry. The armor frame was far too short for me, so after a (minor) threat of force minion Z has agreed to re-size it for my height. He has also been working on some nano-cybernetic technology. I didn't follow his explanation (a lot of hand waving and pointing to blueprints), but it appears that he has equipped his pet hamster with a wi-fi connection! I told him that it was very impressive and that I would like to able to link to machinery with my mind as well. I think he understood my meaning.
I made certain to speak very CLEARLY and very LOUDLY.
Plan B begins
Re-assembling the Atom Vortex continues to elude my tech-minion and I. Even when I think it's fully formed, it will do nothing more than hum. Where are my beautiful green sparks? Where are my soothing blobs of super-power-dom?. Damn that Hunter! Damn him in his stupid, stupid face.
And before anyone asks, yes, I saw that Green Hunter stopped an alien invasion over the weekend. But, I mean, it was only the Scorloons. They've been thwarted before by such pitiful heroes as the guy who can throw his own hands and the girl who can form solid objects out of her love for puppies! Okay, I'm not sure about the specifics of those heroes powers, but the point is that they're lame. Just because the Earth's Elite have decided to lower their bar from being the greatest super-hero team in the world to invite Green Hunter to join them doesn't mean anything. The Elite must have some serious issues behind closed doors to even consider adding Green Hunter to their roster after such an unimpressive achievement. I mean, a high-school kid would be impressed that I can buy beer, but everyone else would see that it's no big deal. Yes, I'm equating the difficulty of defeating a Scorloon invasion with going to the store and buying booze; sometimes it's a hassle, but failure isn't really an option.
Ahem. Anyway, Zoo (?) and I are struggling with this challenge, when he makes some sort of sound that slightly resembles the word "robot." I still can't make heads or tails of what he's saying, but this coincidence gets me thinking that perhaps I'm taking the wrong approach with this. Maybe, instead of chancing that I might get deformed or annihilated in a nuclear accident, I should focus on making a robotic suit of armor!
The advantages are myriad: I won't get killed if it doesn't work, it will conceal my identity, it's upgradeable (it's always a plus when you can pull a new weapon out of your bio-mechanical hat), and it leaves open the option of creating robot duplicates! I'm already working it out in my head how some random hero will be struggling for their life against a lifeless automaton while I am safely escaping and moving on to the next phase of my scheme. Brilliant! And the look of frustration when they finally realize that all of their struggle was just against a robot. Delicious!
Zhou seemed excited as well when he finally grasped what I was aiming for. It seems that Zu is an enthusiastic aficionado of robots. Maybe he's Japanese? They love robots right?
Getting back up on that atomic horse.
I once again have gathered the parts for my power-endowing device. This time, I had some trouble getting it to work, so I have been forced to once again dip into the murky pool of gullible University students. But, I have learned from my earlier mistakes, um, experiences. First of all, I have opted for a non-english speaker, I believe his name is "Zhou", "Zoo", "Zu", or something like that. It sounds like the place of captivity that I shall soon place the world in. He is an engineering student, so he has the necessary technical expertise to assist me. My previous idiot intern was, of course, on the other farthest possible side of the spectrum in the regard.
He is Korean. Or maybe Chinese? I don't really know, I can't understand a word that he's saying. Really, I see the human race as one single group, so why differentiate by randomly determined national borders? They will all fall under the shadow of my iron fist eventually, so why worry about it? He is a hard worker, and has obeyed even my harshest commands without question. It's nice to have a competent minion (for once). Hear that, Hunter? Idiot.
Despite our language incompatibility, he seems to grasp the mechanical aspects of what I'm aiming for. That's refreshing. Also, I really, really love being able to casually discuss his eventual execution right in front of his face. He'll just smile and nod.
"After I gain god-like powers you will have the honor of being my first extermination! Aren't you lucky, Zhou?"
*smiles*
*nods*
Refreshing.
No, no, that's fine.
I'm going to be realistic about this, the so-called super-heroes generally come out on top in the Hero/Villain conflict. Losing round one to the Green Hunter is no big deal. So what? He beat me up? Well, I have no hand to hand combat training (yet!), so that's to be expected. After all, he was an idiot frat brother. He's probably spent his entire college life having homo-erotic wrestling skirmishes and getting into bar brawls. That fine. And yeah, he might have smashed up the Atom-Vortex before he left. But I can rebuild it. Mostly. There were a lot of extra pieces that probably aren't even necessary! It's just cutting out the fat of the machine really. Now it's going to be even more powerful.
I don't even care that he left for the city to become a super-hero. It's just one more bug to squash later. In fact, it's better that I created him. Now we have a dynamic that links us together. Now I'll be able to cut him deeper than any other villain could. I can be the one to destroy his wife/girlfriend/gay-lover. Yes, definitely gay-lover. The more I think about it, the more I think that this was an important step in placing myself into the larger super-hero/villain sphere. Now I have a seat at the table. I'm in the game. (Pending obtaining super abilities, of course.) Yes, this is absolutely the best possible outcome. Excepting obtaining infinite power and ruling over reality, I guess.
That's why I'm totally not losing my mind that the Skyline Trumpet's huge headline is "GREEN HUNTER SAVES CITY". I'm happy that in his first day in the world's premier super-city my own lil' Hunter stopped a major Subterranasaur invasion that had knocked out a bunch of A-list heroes. I mean, it's all thanks to me. I gave him his powers. I choose such an idiot that he didn't know to be afraid. He's so stupid that he circled all the way around to brilliant in this case. Good for him.
When he succeeds, I succeed. In a way. In a totally, totally real way.
Boom!
Uh, okay. My ears are still ringing a bit. So, the bad news; the blast didn't kill Green Hunter. He shook off the explosion, knocked me out with one punch, and then left to become a crimefighter. But, the good news; my Vortex must work even better than I had hoped! I'm a genius!
That's going to be your super-hero name? Really?
All day I've been looking forward to eliminating Hunter, or as he has taken to calling himself, Green Hunter. I've been forced to tolerate his enthusiasm as he tests his powers, listen to him bounce costume concepts off me, and, worst of all, refer to him as Green Hunter. Or, alternatively, the Green Hunter. His goofy altruism is really quite sickening. Apparently I should have vetted my minon pool a little better to weed out low intelligence jocks with hearts of gold.
He's already worked out how he's going to leave this sleepy college town for the super-hero hot beds like Skyline or Metropolitan. He's so certain that he should be fighting crime. I just can't take it, my first act as as an aspiring super-villain is to create another idiot super-hero? That's just not good form. For some reason he has had all these good intentions bottled up in his beer-addled fraternity body, and because of my actions he thinks he's going to battle evil? I don't think so Gree... uh, idiot intern! No, you are going down! I have 50 pounds of "scavenged" explosives under your bunk that are going to change your path. For good.
Were you atomized today?
What a weekend!
The Atom-Vortex was activated while Hunter, my foolish "intern" dimly stood in the Convection Chamber (I tricked him into entering by leaving the door open and placing an cheesesteak sandwich inside). I observed via the closed circuit monitor. As the Vortex achieved critical levels the chamber began to fill with dancing green sparks. It was beautiful and fascinating. I honestly could not pull my eyes away. Hunter, as well, was mesmerized. He cautiously reached out to feel the flickering blobs. They floated, as if underwater, when he touched them. His hair began to raise away from his scalp from the powerful static currents. I wonder if he actually thought this was usual for an internship. Watching the lights and colors, I felt a deep peace like I have never experienced... and then the sparks began to speed up. They raced around the room, constantly gaining velocity, whipping all around Hunter's figure, coating him in their green glow.
Then the sparks began to tear away his body, atom by atom. I'm assuming that Hunter was screaming in pain. His mouth was open and he was bent over with pain. Thank goodness I didn't take the time to install a microphone in the chamber, what an annoyance it would have been to have to hear his death cries! His body evaporated like sand pouring through a hand, and Hunter vanished. This ended my feelings of tranquility. My first experiment, a failure! I sat for some time in the viewing room pondering my next move when I happened to notice movement on the video screen: the idiot intern was alive! Somehow, despite having the reasoning capability of a cinder-block, Hunter had managed to re-incorporate himself! He survived!
I quickly regathered my composure, shut down the Vortex, and went into the chamber. "Gosh, how did that happen? The safety mechanism should have had this door locked! Hunter, are you all right?" Now, I haven't acted since my grade school production of "The Little Engine That Could", but Hunter seemed entirely convinced of my false sincerity. Of course, Hunter is (as I said before) an idiot. But, he is now a super-powered idiot. I've begun initial testing to see what sort of capabilities he has acquired, and so far it has been impressive. He appears to have enhanced strength, speed, and durability, and although he could not yet replicate it, he was able to project a beam of green energy out of his hand.
This is fantastic! Tomorrow, I will duplicate the process with myself and begin the first step to super-villainy. I understand Professor Excellence's "Double Lightning Strike Theory" that powers cannot be exactly duplicated, but I am very optimistic that by tomorrow I will officially be a super-villain.
So tonight, I will dream of my new powers and the glories they will lead to. That, and setting several powerful explosives in Hunter's sleeping quarters. Mustn't have any loose ends.
Machines and minions
Rome was not built in a day. In this timeline, at least. So, I am ramping up slowly to my status as a super-villain. The first conundrum to overcome is key: acquiring powers. Now, as I mentioned yesterday, I have obtained some components from The University's surplus store. Professor Excellence required 6 cyclotrons (compensating for something "Excellence?") for one of his big trans-dimensional bubble cannons last year (It drove off The Walking Blackhole, if you recall), and in doing so the University was left with several pieces of old atom-warping machinery that no longer worked. Thanks to the state laws that forbid the outright discarding of University/taxpayer property these components were available at very reasonable prices.
According to The Noticer's Guide to Super-Humans, roughly 34% of all super-humans gained their abilities after a mechanical mishap. Experimental explosion, radioactive badger, trans-dimensional doorway malfunction, you know, the usual.
Now I have cobbled together the pieces and intend to endow myself with abilities (as yet unknown) beyond those of mortal men. But, there is also a good chance I will be vaporized. To test the machine I have enlisted the assistance of my first minion! Yes, a college student named Hunter is now assisting me. He believes that this is an internship, and that he will snag an easy 3 credit hours. Oh yes, Hunter, it will be easy... if you survive! "Oh, no, it's perfectly safe. I'll just be standing right here behind 15 feet of reinforced steel." Foolish intern.
So, it begins...
Aaaugh!
So, it begins. I quest to become a super-villain. Nay, the greatest of super-villains! Relations at The University have disintegrated at, shall we say, a startling rate. This is not the time or place to get into the messy specifics. Let's just say that the world of academia is not for me. They cannot handle me. It's not me, it's them.
So, where to go from here? Unfortunately, the idea of super-villainy didn't come to me until very recently. When the writing was on the wall. But I am have ambitions, and plans. Always plans. The first step is obvious: become super. In that regard, I have obtained from University surplus several large machines. As pieces they may not appear to be much, but together...
Experiments begin tomorrow...
